Demented Dementors AKA How Sirius REALLY Escaped!
by hydra-star91
Summary: An extremely stupid fic that a friend and I wrote when we were very bored. Boredom can do scary things to your brain... Rated PG for extreme stupidity Genre: Humor...suspense!


Demented Dementors: The Truth Behind Sirius Black's Escape!

Way out into the sea rests a small island. As any wizard knows, this is the worst place to be ever. For this island is the home of the dementors. The mere word strikes fear into the hearts of the brave. These creatures are terrible to behold.

As all know, dementors make a strange sound. It is a sort of rattling breath sound that makes all tremble. What many don't know is that this sound is truly speech. Knowing this is key to understanding these creatures. To understand them, there is only one place to go. Their home. Azkaban Prison.

"Duck… Duck… Duck… Duck… Duck… Duck… Duck… Goose!"

One of the four demented dementors (as all the other dementors called them) sitting around the circle jumped up and began to run around the circle trying to catch its friend. The other three watched and cheered for one or the other. Finally, the one who had been "goose" sat down, out of breath, relieved at being able to get back to its spot. The other one, however, was not so happy.

"That's not fair! You cheated!" it cried.

"Oh?" asked the other one. "And how is that?"

"Um… I… Um… I don't know, you just did!"

"Either way, you're all idiots!" yelled a new, and sane, dementor. "How can you be sitting around playing "Duck, Duck, Goose!" when you're supposed to be terrorizing the prisoners and sucking out all their good feelings!"

"I love Duck, Duck, Goose!" shouted one of the prisoners gleefully as he walked up. "Can I play?"

"Sure! C'mon and sit down!" one of the demented dementors replied. (Please do not ask how this mere human understood the dementors' language. He's just odd like that.)

"YOU FOOLS!!" yelled the older and much more sane dementor.

"YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO TERRORIZIE HIM, OR SUCK OUT HIS SOUL, OR SOMETHING!!!!"

"We did do something!" chorused the five demented dementors. "We let him play!"

"NOT THAT!!! THAT'S NOT WHAT DEMENTORS ARE SUPPOSED TO DO! WE'RE SUPPOSED TO BE THE FOULEST CREATURES ON EARTH! YOU'RE RUINING OUR GOOD NAME!!"

By now several others of the normal and much more horrible dementors had shown up. They all shouted their agreement to what the first one had said.

"These five have got to go!" one yelled.

"Yeah!" another shouted. "How are we supposed to make people go insane with them around?!"

"It's time for them to get their souls sucked out!" With that, all the dementors pulled down their hoods and ran towards the five demented dementors. The demented dementors got up and ran as fast as they could. The prisoner who had joined them just ducked and hid his head, miraculously escaping without a scratch and his soul still intact. (Once again, don't ask me how he does it. He's just odd like that.)

"Do we even have souls?" asked one of the demented dementors as they ran.

"I don't know! Just RUNNNNNN!!" yelled the others.

Meanwhile, Sirius Black was watching this anarchy from behind the bars of his cell.

"…" He looked to the person in the cell next to him and said, "Um… I don't feel all that insane… Do you?"

"Not really…" the other man replied. "But considering what I'm seeing, I just might be…"

"Yeah… That's what I was thinking…. Tell me…. What's keeping us from just getting up and walking away?"

"Probably just the ocean… After all, one of those demented dementors left all our cells unlocked…."

"Ah…………" Sirius thought for a long time, and then realized something. "Wait! I can get across the ocean easily!" he cried. With that, he ran outside yelling, "HE'S AT HOGWARTS!!!" just because he felt like leaving dramatically, turned into a dog, and jumped into the ocean.

"DOG-PADDLE AWAYYYYYYYYYY!!!!" he barked (Literally!).

The End (Thank God!) My friend and I, iamabub, wrote this when we must have been high or something. Except we don't use drugs. Whatever. Either way, I would like to offer my most sincere apology to anyone who decided to read this as well as J. K. Rowling.

**Disclaimer**: Harry Potter does not belong to iamabub or me. It belongs to J. K. Rowling. Thank God!


End file.
